Self Care- Why you need to be the priority.
Over the past few years I have been on a journey of recovery from severe carers burnout. I honestly could say I didn’t have ‘time’ for ‘self care’.
As a carer I found there simply were not enough hours in the day to juggle all the demands I was dealing with.
However, when I did experience carers burnout, this was a wonderful turning point as I could no longer do it all and I finally surrendered to the reality I was not ‘Super Human’.
In our battles with mental health and the demands of life, we can often have unrealistic expectations of ourselves. We learn to tune out our body clues that we need a break. Maybe we berate ourselves when we become overtired, forgetful or snappy with loved ones.
It’s super important to STOP and listen to our bodies though. Our body communicates with us in a number of ways. It could be through a change in our mood, a change in physical wellbeing or a change in our thinking or even all of the above.
Common warning signs can include:
Irritability
Increase in negative thoughts about our selves and others
Difficulty sleeping
Difficulty planning, organising and making decisions
An increase in aches and pains in our bodies
Your body sends us these signs to say ‘Caution’ - You need to slow down and care for YOU. By overriding your body clues and these warnings you will eventually fatigue. Just like a car which is not serviced and cared for, eventually our bodies hit burn out and grind to a halt.
While you may feel it’s not a choice to stop, I want to reassure you there’s help available to prioritise YOU. This will help to avoid burnout and exacerbation of mental health conditions.
Consider trying some of these tips to care for yourself:
Get a support team around you who understand your health conditions, your roles (i.e.- Carer, Parent etc) and the demands in daily life. This can be formal supports like a counsellor or informal supports like a good friend. Talking with your GP is a great place to start, as are some of the other supports listed below.
If you have found it hard to make or keep friends due to your circumstances, consider a disability specific online support group on Facebook or the like. I know as a member of these groups, we have a shared empathy and respect for one another doing our best, a day at a time. I also find it really useful to get the ‘low down’ on which disability providers people have been happy with in my local area. Word of mouth information about providers is really helpful as when I’m stressed, the last thing I need is crappy service.
Tell the NDIS you are struggling! Ask them if you can access increased supports to help you via an NDIS review to better manage your caring needs. This can include accessing Support Coordination and increasing Support Worker hours or even respite care. Talking through where you are at with a Support Coordinator and any concerns is helpful. As an example, I was concerned to leave my kids in respite care and negotiated to have the kids and I get to know and trust the Provider before we tried respite. A great Support Coordinator should help you work through the pros and cons of trying new things and manage the barriers you are experiencing to accessing ‘YOU time’.
Consider calling the counselling line at Carers Gateway to speak with a Counsellor who has lived experience of disability. This is a free service and so helpful in those moments you feel stuck, overwhelmed and perhaps hopeless. Having a person to talk through the struggles with who lived as a Carer really helped me gather myself and get back to it. To register for services, call 1800 422 737 or visit carergateway.gov.au for more information.
Reduce demands where you can. I have had to learn to delegate or lower my expectations of myself. I now say it’s a good day if I get the washing and dishes done. If it’s not folded and we grab it from a pile on the couch it doesn’t kill anyone. I try and delegate whatever I can. For example, maybe have a cleaner once a fortnight which possibly could be funded through the NDIS.
Put aside time in your diary just for you. Start with something really small that you love. Perhaps it’s a soak with a bath bomb. Perhaps it’s a 10 minute walk around the block to get sunshine each morning. Maybe you sing in the car to your favourite song. Find what works for you and celebrate that those few moments were ‘just for you’ and then acknowledge that you prioritised yourself.
I hope some of these tips help you on your journey.
Feel free to contact me here if you need to discuss your Support Coordination or Recovery Coaching needs.
